Here I am sitting, scratching my head trying to figure out what went wrong with my most recent attempt at love and relationships. The truth is, I think it was me, I know it was me.
I have this awful habit of not wanting to give up on my kink and never wanting to compromise, the thing is kink is so much a part of me that I have to feel free to explore it in a relationship.
I love fetish, watch high quality porn, read and write erotica, I am orally gifted and know my way around both the male and female body. Not afraid to pull out the toys, and keep it interesting.
Maybe this is too much, but I have spent so much time trying to conform that it grew boring. I have never been and will never be wifey material. Sorry can’t see myself ironing a pile of clothes and being esctatic about it, neither am I content with being totally submissive.
So what now?
I want to talk about it and figure out what went wrong, but I’m afraid that I won’t like the answer, like the answer will be what I am used to hearing “You’re just too kinky for a black woman”. I’m tired of hearing it, sick of hearing it.
My question is: Where are the kinky black men?
I’m beginning to think that I might be better suited to a bisexual black man and or a woman who is as open-minded as I am, although I feel other writers of erotica, sex bloggers and those into fetish would so get where I’m coming from.
Am I about to return to playing? No, I’m not, for the first time in a very long time, I might just wait, see what life brings, in other words I’m not looking.
Real shame though because I actually thought he was The One, he still could be.
I’m happy, I think it is an exciting new chapter in my life, the fact that I wanted to try my best and make a relationship work.
Yet I keep asking myself, maybe I have to accept the fact that I have changed, a selfish part of me thinks “What if I really make this happen, will I have to give up my writing, my blog, my projects”. But then If I have to lose all of that just to have a relationship, then it is best that I let fate intervene.
In the meantime, I have the books to write, and oh my gosh I actually felt a tingle in my back this morning as I read through the first selection of stories and I am more than pleased, the woman loving women erotica, A Woman Knows is sort of my favourite. If you’ve never read Satisfaction, read it again, as it will be featured in the book, uncensored.
While the fetish and bdsm stories of Mistress Black have been expanded and go beyond what is on the blog, next up is Fuck Poetry, a selection of the more hardcore erotica poetry that I have written, of course The Slut In Me, Pussy Rights to name a few. Lastly Bottom Boi, a mix of LGBT erotica, these are busy times, as always I love a challenge.
I have not forgotten the memberships thing, I’m investigating it, not as easy as I thought. We shall see, but the blog will change, part of me wants to keep the blog the same, I like the personal touch. I like to keep it real, but then I think of how the blog can be so much more than it is.
Time will tell.
I know that Kinky Black Men are out there, some of my stories have been inspired by them 
Nevertheless, I just had to write this blog post, I have had some seriously good, kinky sex with black men (fanning myself)
Kinky Blessings
Pashun
xxx
